Menacing March Fifth

It has been a long time since I have updated my blog, years actually. I think the few who followed it gave up pestering me to post and moved on to more fruitful nagging. It is true; I have neglected my blogging duties. So in light of that and cooping myself in my room all night I will give a brief account of my day –though be forewarned it may not be overly entertaining.

8:00:00 AM
My “Earned Day Off” or EDO as they are called didn’t provide me the luxury of the usual “sleep-in”. I got up early only to trot off to the vampire lab where they sucked my blood and made me pee into a cup. However, I ran out of pee after missing the cup and lubricating my hand only to be rewarded with a bonus cup (a fresh clean one) to carry around in my purse all day. Anyway, the vampires sucked my blood and I insisted they refrain from tapping the wound shut due to a sensitivity to the adhesive; so, in turn they put a Band-Aid on my arm instead which has no left two lovely red hickies on my arm that will remain visible for three weeks longer than I could hope.

9:00:00 AM
After being scarred, I went to find a snack/breakfast as I was famished from the 12 hour fast. I ate the worst thing I could find for me at Sobey’s to show my cholesterol levels who’s REALLY the boss. Then I trotted off to my doctor’s appointment, where I ranted with the receptionist about the poor management of the U of A and how it is being driven into the ground by a megalomaniac at the expense of the students. Literally AND figuratively. Boy, am I sure glad not to be a proponent of that funding anymore.

10:00:00 AM
The next excursion was to have my brain picked. I was finishing up an IQ test to which I am pleased to report did not require further subtest with grade three math word questions. Overanalytical people need highly scrutinized, grammatically correct sentences that do not provide room for multiple interpretations. Surely the envelope-mail question will haunt me forever. Although my IQ has yet to be reported (and I’m pleased to announce I do not yet know the result and am basking in the last few days I have left considering myself moderately intelligent before they deem me a napkin worthy, drool producing retard or Officially Retarded)*. Following this one I completed a personality inventory test. My favourite question: Do you think someone is trying to poison you? Unfortunately, they were only T/F questions which left little room for creative answers. Yes. Yes, I do –if you were wondering. All joking aside, the test was 567 questions long. I went cross-eyed from the experience and was exhausted to begin with. I’m really curious to see how this all turns out, it’s truly quite fascinating.

Following the personality test I started a different test that made me feel inadequately equipped for life. I had to spell –not my strong suit; I had to pronounce words –WTF is GOUACHE anyway? And who knows how you say it. The highpoint was definitely the math. Fractions? Anyone? I haven’t done math in EIGHT YEARS. I was struggling with how to do long division let alone fractions, algebra, algebraic factories, derivatives, integrals, and weird matrices without application. If that was an IQ test, mine is sub-zero. Still interesting, and I like the ones that are more like games. And the administrator PhD to be is pretty nice too (I’m sure that will come in handy for her when she has to break it to me I’m missing a large chunk of my frontal lobe).

Then, I had coffee with a friend and went home. I cleaned my bathroom thoroughly with bleach, washed the floor and cleaned the ever-dreaded toilet. I am not a fan in the least of cleaning male human beings urine of my toilet but did it resentfully anyway. I then locked the door in anticipation for the numerous male guests of my brother who were coming over for a fun night of whoknowswhat. They were all confused by the “NO PENIS” sign I taped on the door last week, and I’m sure some were angry, annoyed, and outright confused by the lack of access to the “main bathroom”. They mustn’t forget I too become angry, enraged even, when I have to clean their pee off my toilet and floor. Poor babies, not sure if they found the master ensuite from AJ’s room. Not sure I’m too worried about it either. They are lucky they didn’t tread far; some suggested I stand ominously in front of the door with menacing looking scissors.

Other than that, nothing too exciting today, hopefully, I’ll muster the energy to rant about something exciting tomorrow.

Bon nuit.

*This is not meant to disrespect anyone or insult anyone in anyway. If it does, this is not the website for you. Leave now, and forever hold your peace.